Sunday, November 18, 2012

Baby News (ask me about my kids)


 Psst! I’ve got pregnancy news. 
 You’re about to get the scoop, straight from the horse’s mouth. Ready?
I MAY OR MAY NOT BE HAVING ANOTHER BABY.
Am I pregnant now? No. Could it happen, though, eventually? I suppose anything could happen. It has three times already.
Why am I sharing this? Oh, because you asked. Yes, you, and every one else, pretty much since the same day I birthed Clara, coincidentally. 
In fact, I am asked so often if I am having more kids that I am thinking of having a T-shirt made with the above all-caps quote blazed on it.
You asked.
You asked if we’re ‘done’.
You asked if we were going for an even-numbered four.
You asked if we’re planning for another girl.  For another boy. (As if we ‘plan’ those details.)
You asked if Danny wanted more kids....If I did......If I didn’t.
You asked if we wanted a big family.
You asked if I was ready to be finished with pregnancy and birthing.
Ummmmmmmmmmmm.
I guess the point I’m trying to make is: Stop Asking. It’s personal. It’s not really any of your business. And it’s awkward.
I probably wouldn’t give you an honest answer anyway.
Instead, ask me about the three children that I DO have. That’s much more interesting. 

I’ll tell you how Noah reads and writes better French than I am capable of and can spell words like ‘heureuse’ and ‘baladeur’. You might smile to learn he crafted Justin Bieber out of play dough this afternoon. You’d certainly smile to see him sitting and reading to his baby sister.
Ask me about my kids.
I’ll tell you how Mateo talks my ear off and blows my mind daily with his astute observations, carefully sorted and ejected from his puzzle-loving beautiful mind. I'll tell you that his nickname "Snacks" is honestly earned.
Ask me if Clara melts my heart and I’ll tell you yes, twelve times a day. Ask me how I feel about her and I won’t be able to answer. Instead I’ll duck my head to kiss her soft hair to hide my emotions.
Ask me if she’s a good baby and I’ll tell you of her ever-present smile, her jolly good-natured personality, and her insatiable curiosity.    
    
Ask me about the family I do have, because it's kinda great.    

28 comments:

Lis said...

I *love* this. I won't even tell parents or close family my plans.

Theresa said...

Brilliant, Aimée. Well said. Gorgeous photos!

Alison said...

YES! I don't have kids but I'm CONSTANTLY asked when we're having kids, do we want kids, etc. It's rude, personal, and as you said, awkward.

DawnK said...

I have two daughters. I got asked a lot when we were trying for a boy. Umm..,never? I got tired of it, too.

Your kids are adorable and it must be so fun watching them figure out the world. I lived that part if raising my daughters. They are college girls now!

Lorna said...

Hello! Oh, this post resonates with me. I found out two years ago that I have ceoliac disease, after trying for a baby for almost a decade. We didn't tell anyone we were trying, but people constantly asked, causing a lot of heartache. At 43, I was incredibly lucky to have a baby girl, but now I get all sorts of comments about how late I left it to have her - as if I had a choice! People take their own fertility/children so much for granted; it doesn't occur to them that they could cause pain. My mother once shouted 'jokingly' across a crowded room at a big family gathering that I had 'failed her' because she had no grandchildren. She didn't know we were trying because I couldn't talk about it and she assumed we didn't want children. It was horrible to have such a painful thing turned into entertainment, although she maintains it was partly my fault for not telling her in the first place. But how do you do that? My parents talk constantly but it's never about the important stuff. I did try, but they didn't want to know. I want to make sure my daughter can tell me anything. Thanks for a good post.

Kristen - Dine & Dish said...

Love this!

Cassie | Bake Your Day said...

I love this. I'm not stuck with comments on "another" child, I'm just bombarded with questions one when the first will come. I find myself rolling my eyes constantly and I love that how you put this - it's personal! Thank you for this.

LyB said...

When I got pregnant with Olivia (our third child), people asked me why I wanted a third child because, obviously, I already had a girl AND a boy so why does one want three kids after that? Right? I just answered I didnt have one with blue eyes yet! ;) I'll tell you, these days, it seems people think they have the right to ask just about anything. You do have a beautiful family, enjoy yourself!

Diana @ Spain in Iowa said...

I love this, Aimee. You have a beautiful family

Stacie @Onehungrymama said...

Can I ask when I'll get to see Clara again and meet those gorgeous boys? You may not have an answer yet, but I'm hoping soon!

Rachel @ Baked by Rachel said...

I love this post SO much. It is no ones business but yours. I completely and utterly agree. You have a beautiful family Aimee!

Christian Rene Friborg said...

I feel your frustrations in this entry. It's like my parents asking me when I will get married.

Anonymous said...

Great rant, Aimee! Rick Mercer would be proud : )

It's a sensitive & personal subject, of course. As I pondered your post last night, I wondered where we as your peers may have lost traction with our good manners.

I love that you keep it real and share your family life with us in both of your blogs. As a mum to three kids more or less the same sex & ages as your crew, I find what your write resonates ever so clearly with our little family a province over.

Best wishes as always and thanks for all of your gifts and invaluable expertise.

-Pippa : )

Melissa said...

I hear ya! I get asked that as well, especially since I only have one. Then I am also told that my son will be "weird" b/c he'll be an only child. That really ticks me off.

Katrina W. said...

Yes!! Amen! Thank you!! I am right there with you. I thought the asking would end once we had a kid, but it didn't... and even after two, nope. Why, why do people feel the need to know?

Kaylee Edwards said...

Thank you SO much for this post! My husband and I are unable to have kids and are applying for adoption right now. When I started telling some people that we were in the process of adopting, we got the RUDEST questions about why, why we couldn't have kids, if it was me or him, if we wanted an ethnic baby?!? I don't think people mean harm but boy oh boy it makes me mad! Any way, thanks. :)

Edith said...

I could not agree more!!!

Edith said...

I could not agree more!!!

Judy H. said...

I know what you mean. I have been married almost 7 years and struggled with my fertility. For years, ppl seem to constantly ask about when we were planning on having children, how many, when etc... It made matters worse because we were going through fertility treatments and failing cycle after cycle. Your situation is not the same as ours, but the behaviour other ppl display with this can be pretty annoying if not insensitive. Now that we are finally blessed with our first and about to have her in a few weeks, I am pretty sure the next questions on when we plan on having our next one is coming fast and furious. Really, ppl need to learn to mind their own beeswax and realise how rude that is.

Abby Butts said...

Thank you! I'm a stepmom to the best 8 year old boy that ever lived and have spent the last 18 months trying to get pregnant without success. Its so incredibly frustrating and hurtful for people to ask when are my husband and I going to start a family when we already have one. Does my stepson now count because we don't share DNA? And asking when I'm going to get pregnant when I've been struggling with it in silence for so many months is more hurtful than they know.

Tracy said...

Couldn't agree more. It *is* personal, and awkward, and nobody else's business. Great post. :-)

Anastasia said...

Yes! You hit the nail on the head. Annoys me to no end! We have two, second is 1 year old. I get asked all the time!

Krista said...

I'm expecting our third child, our first little girl; and all I can say is amen.

kimberleybue said...

Good post. I have made the choice to not have children and I am soooo tired of people thinking there is something wrong with me or with my choice. I have a family - my partner and I, and our three cats. I think I have a beautiful family, and when people ask when will I finally have children, I feel like they are implying I am doing something wrong by choosing not to have children.

Anonymous said...

So are you going to have one more or not?

Helene Peloquin said...

Aimée I could not stop laughing reading this post. And yes, this is your personal life. On a different note it reminds me when I was close to deliver my 2nd son my mom would call everyday to ask if I had delivered. I would stay polite and say: no mom I am still home and talking with you. It went on for 2 wks. I can feel your pain :)

Anonymous said...

I completely get your post. I have 3 very beautiful boys and they are 7,5 and 3. I was just asked the same question at a wedding last weekend. Oh you must try for a girl. No way no how in this house. First people thought we were crazy to have 3 kids and now they are trying to convince us to try for the girl. I just don't get it. I am blessed with my family why change it.

Vanessa Guénard said...

Being a mother of three too, I totally relate to what you're saying. Especially since we have 3 boys, we (almost) always get asked if we wouldn't like to make another baby to have a girl... (And I'm not talking about all the silly (to put it mildly) things we heard when we found out our youngest had a cleft palate!)

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